SUFFER WITH ME Read online

  “It won’t be long, I promise. It’s regarding Sakinah Rogers.”

  Just hearing her name said out loud almost floored him. “Come in,” he beckons.

  Detective Lewis walks in and plops down on Benji’s sofa uninvited, showing his lack of manners. Benji overlooked the small disrespect to hear about Sakinah.

  “Mr. Cooper. Well, Benji. Can I call you Benji?”

  “Mr. Cooper is fine,” Benji says extending no pleasantries.

  “Ah, Mr. Cooper it is. Any who. I’ve been going over Ms. Rogers’ file. It broke my heart to see that beautiful young woman in that way. The more I looked at her, the more her face spoke to me. Do you know what her face said? Help. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t attempt to answer her plea. So, here I am,” he says crossing his legs and looking at Benji as if saying, your turn. But Benji returns the look with impatience. “Mr. Cooper, what can you tell me about that day to contribute to my investigation?”

  “Nothing more than I told the police at the hospital. I was in school. From there I went home and fell asleep waiting on Sakinah to arrive. I called her as soon as I awoke and her father relayed the news to me.”

  “That’s it?”

  “That’s it.”

  “It’s mighty peculiar that every day prior to her murder, phone logs show your number consistently. But on that day? Nothing. Until well after midnight. Strange right?” the detective asks smiling his ugly smile.

  “If you say so.” Benji crosses his arms.

  “Did you love Ms. Rogers? I mean truly love her, Mr. Cooper?” Benji looks at the floor to avoid the detective seeing his face.

  “I still do. With everything inside of me.”

  “I thought so. And it’s for that reason. For this girl that you love so dearly, that I ask this. Son,” he says with pleading eyes. “We need a sample of your DNA.” The sadness that was so evident on Benji’s face is converted to uncontrollable fury, as he realizes Lewis’ implication.

  “What?” he hisses.

  “For Sakinah, Mr. Cooper.”

  “Get the fuck outta my office. Next time you decide to knock, bring a warrant.”

  Detective Lewis stands smiling as if everything is going swell. “You have a lot of prior infractions, Mr. Cooper, but no convictions. So you’re either always in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or you’re very, very elusive.”

  “Are you getting out or do I have to show you out? Please choose the second.”

  “Temper, temper. See you around, Benji.” Lewis walks out the office baiting him.

  Benji slams the door in his wake. Two seconds later a card slides under the door. He leaves it there and sits on the sofa. Crossing his arms on his knees, he lays his head on his forearms. A knock on the door jars him. He looks at his watch and can’t believe he’s been in that position for over a half an hour, it only felt like seconds. He gets up and opens the door. To his surprise Suffiyah stands on the other side this time.

  “Hello Benji,” she speaks awkwardly.

  “Good morning, Detective?” he replies with little feeling.

  “May I come in?” Saying nothing, he stands aside.

  “I attempted to call you last night.”

  “I know.”

  “Oh? I guess I deserve this treatment. So, I’m going to say what I came for and get out your way.”

  “Cool.” His nonchalant disposition was killing her.

  “You got it. Well for some reason a detective is looking into your direction in a case we’re working. I asked him what links you to anything, but he’s being very secretive. So what I’m asking is if there is anything I should know?”

  “Ha ha. So I’m guessing you’re the good cop to Detective Lewis’ bad cop?”

  “Wait. How do you know Lewis?” she inquires genuinely confused.

  He indicates the card on the floor, which she picks up still looking lost.

  “You didn’t know he came here?”

  She shakes her head.

  “Okay, I’m gonna play your game. What do you know about Sakinah?”

  “I’m sorry?”

  “You’re serious aren’t you?”

  “I truly don’t know what’s going on.”

  “Okay. I’m going to tell you about Sakinah and you can judge me how you judge me.”

  With that Benji spoke his story. Stopping at the most intimate moments and reflecting.

  “Now you know why he came. Do what you need with it.” He opens his door signifying her time was up.

  Suffiyah looked heartbroken at the gesture. “I apologize for that night. I was wrong and I have to live with that daily. But, I’m sincerely sorry for your loss.” She rests her palm over his heart and kisses his cheek. As she turns to walk out, he sees how watery her eyes are. He quickly grabs her hand and pulls her to him. She wraps her arms around his neck and really cries. Her feelings are crushed and she can’t help it. Benji massages her back consoling her. He’s never felt like more of a prick in his entire life.

  “I’m sorry, gorgeous. Please don’t cry because of me?” he pleads.

  This only causes her to cry harder. He kisses her eyelids, her cheeks and her top lip as he holds both sides of her face. He doesn’t know what he did to hurt her so badly, but he’ll kill himself before he does it again. She pushes off from him embarrassed and flees his office.

  “Stupid, stupid, stupid.” Suffiyah reprimands herself.

  She can’t believe she just performed like that in front of Benji. Between the ways he was treating her, her guilt and his story, her sentiments were on the brink and spilled over.

  “Boy I need you bad as my heartbeat, bad as the food I eat, bad as the air I breathe… boy I need you bad I can’t take the pain, boy I’m ‘bout to go insane…”

  Jasmine Sullivan’s voice picks at her raw emotions. It’s like the radio was attached to her feelings and played the song that perfectly spoke her passions. How could Lewis visit him without mentioning it to her? What was he up to that needed to be kept top secret? What does Sakinah have to do with this case? Could Benji actually have played a part in all of this insanity or is he just a target of Lewis’ fishing expedition?

  CHAPTER 12

  Benji stands in front of a row of houses on a one way block keeping a close eye on oncoming traffic. His footing feels foreign even though this is his homeland. The drug transaction are coming in such a rapid succession, it’s unnerving. The block is South 11th street, between 13th Avenue and 12th Avenue in Newark. But through the love of their Westside ties, he and his cohorts named their strip, Cali Block. He is one of the originators of the drugs infested, dismal area. A burgundy Chrysler 300, with limo tint pulls up, all eyes are glued to it. Out jumped another originator of Cali Block. This man is the closest semblance Benji has to a brother. His day one friend, Lay Low.

  “My guy!” Lay Low greets with sincere joy. “What brings you out here to these corners of the Wild West? This don’t even fit you no more.”

  When Benji severed ties with the streets, it broke Lay Low’s heart. Not only did he lose his right hand man but he lost the architect, the blueprint was in Benji’s head and he built their territory up from basically nothing. In his absence Lay Low had to alter his brain to emulate Benji’s. To his success, because Cali is a thriving business.

  “I’m just trying to spot the lost souls and give them light, Lay. I don’t want no smoke.” Benji raises his hands in mock surrender.

  The two men embrace momentarily giving onlookers a glimpse of their unspoken love.

  “Come on, Ru. First you leave, now you trying to take the little bros from me? You gotta leave me a little sumthin.” Benji looks at all the action surrounding him.

  “Shit, it looks like you have a lot of something to me. Enough to pack up and end the show.”

  Lay Low looks at his main man as he ties his dreadlocks in a bun.

  “Bro, this all us right here, we run this show. If I end it now, what t
he little homies got in me except a deserter?”

  “Lay, we was shown the life by the same man. So as far as you running this show, you’re delusional. What was Bruh’s golden rule?”

  Lay smiles. “Blood don’t run nothing, if Blood don’t own nothing.”

  “Exactly, the more we own, positively, the more we give them.” He points at the young bloods. “The more we give them, the less we deprive them off.” He now points at the addicts and neighborhood.

  “Ru, so you woke up off your Geronimo Pratt wave and couldn’t think of nobody to make feel like shit but me?”

  “Ha-ha. Nah never, my guy. You know I’m a firm believer in ‘sometimes you gotta do bad to do good.’, but only as a means to an end. We supposed to use a negative situation to create a positive one for us, our families and our communities. Not increase the degree of negativity. To the point a five year-old is the caretaker of his three year-old brother, because his mother’s addicted to pills and his father’s dead from bangin’. You know I ain’t here to judge you, Lay. I just want better for all of us. But the real reason I’m here, is because I needed to be around genuine love. And if nobody else got it for me, I know Lay do.” Benji smiles and daps Lay Low. Both their eyes spot the charcoal gray Chevy Trailblazer at the same time. It slow rolls as Benji attempts to see through the impenetrable darkness of the tints. He’s just waiting for the doors to bust open and the shots to start flying.

  “Ru, stop staring. That’s that work. We out.”

  It’s funny how you search high and low for a rabbit and can’t find it in the field. Just when you give up searching, you spot it in the one place you neglected to look. Inside the rabbit hole.

  This isn’t just coincidental, Detective Lewis thinks. According to Benjamin Cooper’s rap sheet, his first arrest was on this block. “I found your hole, Benji Rabbit.” Lewis says with excitement. This is even better than he believed. Everybody and their grandmother gangbangs on this block. “Birds of a feather flock together, Mr. Rabbit.”

  The initial reaction to Sakinah Rogers’ case was sadness. Suffiyah didn’t see the pictures until last. Once she did, she was immediately transported back to the scene on Ridgewood. Minus the card, this was the scene. Only difference was the date. Sakinah could have passed for Suffiyah herself or a sister. What connected these four murders besides strangulation? Sakinah was murdered while Suffiyah was still a patrol officer. There was no card, call or mention of her name. Next, Marissa Cooke. She was the victim on Ridgewood and the first time the caller reached out. Then came Alyssa James on the picnic table. Three women who were either in school and working or just working. Who, just by chance, all look very much like herself. Which brings on the final case of Aaliyah Perez. Besides being strangled in Newark, she had nothing in common with the other girls. They were black, she was Spanish. They were career women, she was a stripper and prostitute. How did her case point at Sakinah, which in turn pointed Lewis at Benji? Then something she read reminded her of a piece of evidence she had forgotten until now. The semen matched DNA left in another victim. That victim was Sakinah Rogers.

  “But she’s a DT.”

  “And I’m a private investigator.”

  “Let me see your badge.” Lay Low holds his hand out and pulls it back empty. “Exactly. Big difference. If you was saying you wanted to get some and go your separate ways, then that would be cool. But you all googily eyed over there. It ain’t gon’ work.”

  They sit in The Office, a restaurant/bar in Montclair, New Jersey, picking at their food. The conversation is like a wrestling match fueled by Sangria.

  “Please explain ya logic, Lay. I gotta hear this.”

  “Okay, Mr. Ru. Take me and you for instance. I’m dark skinned and cute, but you, you brown skinned and ugly. Total opposites.” Lay blocks the playful jab thrown by Benji. “Nah for real though. As street dudes we deal off facts and actualities. We gather information correctly before passing judgment. But they judge us geographically and off of opinion and hearsay. If you from here or there, you’re automatically a suspect. If you’re a minority it’s impossible that you’ve never committed a crime in your life, even if you were never caught. They get three different stories about a gun from three different people. One says you were wearing a red hoodie and had a nine. Another says you had on a black jacket and brandished a revolver. The last witness says you had a AK-47, but you were wearing a skirt and eating a ham sandwich. Three months later you and the ham sandwich both getting indicted.”

  Benji laughs so hard Sangria comes out of his nose and chokes him.

  “Ha ha. I’m for real, Ru. They don’t care what things really are, they just care how they seem. From the three witnesses’ perception you’re a gun slinger. So in the law’s eyes, that’s what you are.”

  Elsewhere

  Lee Lee brings dinner plates in the living room for her and Suffiyah. Work has been hectic for the both of them, they hardly see each other. As she takes her seat she gives Suffiyah her undivided attention.

  “Okay. Now go ‘head.”

  “Before you say I told you so, just listen.” Suffiyah forewarns Alicia.

  Lee Lee makes a motion as if zipping her lips. Suffiyah tells her story in its entirety, ending with the file on Sakinah.

  “Now go ‘head and run ya mouth. I know it’s killing you,” Suffiyah says.

  “I told you so. But…” Lee Lee nods her head while holding up one finger at Suffiyah’s expression, “I don’t believe he’s capable of those crimes. Wait, this is important. When you were crying, how did it feel when he kissed your face? Like it was rehearsed or fake?”

  Suffiyah sits her plate down and tucks her feet under her thighs and smiles. “Like heaven. It was so romantic and thoughtful. It wasn’t like trying to put the moves on me, he was tryna take care of me. The best way I could describe it is, I could feel how it pained him to see me hurt and that meant everything.”

  “Oh my Lord. I can’t wait to get you to Cancun next week. I’m gonna find you a Mexican man that God blessed with a nice taco and I’m gonna hold you down while he feeds it to you. My baby is probably in love with Michael Myers.”

  CHAPTER 13

  A little girl cowers in the corner of the attic, as the monster frantically searches for her. She silently prays to God that he doesn’t look behind the boxes of clothes stacked in front of her. “Suffer! Suffer!” He screams as he flings objects out of his path. “Here you are!” But his voice is coming from across the room, directed at someone unseen. “Now you must suffer with me.” The girl peeks from behind the boxes as the monster lifts someone by the collar. “Where is she?” The monster barks. She sees a little finger point in her direction. The monster turns towards her with eyes the color of heated coal. The scrawny boy, in his massive hands, squeezes his eyes shut tightly. “You…”

  Suffiyah’s eyes pop open and take in the strange room. Alicia’s silhouette can be seen in the light of the moon, as she rests peacefully. Her dreams or nightmares have followed her to Cancun. Refusing to let them ruin her vacation, she turns over and forces sleep to take over.

  “You have too much on top,” Lee Lee comments.

  “I just have a few things on my mind, that’s all.” Suffiyah replies, using her hand to block the sun as she looks over to Lee Lee.

  “I mean your bikini top. You doing too much. Free your titties, free your mind.”

  Alicia lays on the beach towel with her 34D breast on full display. The layers of sunblock causing them to shimmer in the sunshine.

  “No thank you. Maybe you don’t see all these men.” Suffiyah looks around. “And women staring at your hooters, but I do.”

  Using her pointer finger, Lee Lee lifts up her dark shades to look at her friend. “You see these people, Su? How many of them have you seen before? How many will you see again, after we leave?”

  “None. But—”

  “Exactly!” Lee Lee interjects. “None. So they are invisible to me. No one matters,
but me. If you were at home and had a backyard with a fence, knowing no one could see you, would you lay by your pool with your top on or off?”

  “Off, but—”

  “Well this is as close as you’re getting to that setting right now. So put your shades on, pop your boobs out and let ya mind go. That’s an order,” Lee Lee says pulling her shades back down.

  Suffiyah sits up smirking at her friend, who just dismissed her. Intent on proving she could live, she pulls the string of her bikini top. Letting her golden peaks improve the view of the beach. She sees the grin sneaking on Lee Lee’s face as she lays back. Pulling her own shades down, she imagines every person ogling her goods, is invisible. She’s never felt freer.

  “Excuse me, Mr. Cooper, but what kind of private investigator are you?” The older man asks sarcastically, as him and his wife sit in Benji’s office. His anger is apparent in his tone and movements.

  “One with morals, Mr. Porter. Also, one with a conscience. While some people can compromise their integrity in the name of business, I can’t.”

  “But you’re paid to investigate. So what’s stopping you from investigating my son’s murder, if I’m willing to pay for it?”

  Benji is sympathetic with their loss, so he’s answering politely. “As I told you when you first entered my office, I don’t handle murders. I can give you the number to several homicide detectives, who can be more helpful than me.”

  “But why don’t you handle murders?” the man persist.

  “Murders are a sensitive subject. I pay attention to the circumstances behind the matter, not just the fact that someone died,” Benji says, intentionally directing the speech towards Mrs. Porter. “Sometimes, the deceased was the actual aggressor and his murderer was only protecting the only life he has. How could I find that man and send him to prison? Especially, when his only crime was not wanting to die? So, I couldn’t in my better judgment take your money knowing, if I found that the misfortune occurred in that or a similar manner that I would never reveal that man.”