SUFFER WITH ME Read online

  ~~~

  Benji raced through the streets of Newark, breaking every motor vehicle violation in the process. The tears blurring his vision, not a strong enough deterrent to keep him from speeding through intersections. With either God or the devil on his side, he arrived at his destination. Hurdling out his car, he burst through the front door and raced to the elevator that was closing. “Stop! You…” security screamed, but it was too late. He was inside the elevator and the doors had closed. The doors showed the reflection of a madman. Unkempt hair, winter coat with no shirt underneath, on his feet one sneaker and one boot, no socks. The door opened and he ran out. Three security guards tackled him, struggling to restrain him as he screamed, “Sakinah Rogerssss!” repeatedly. A burly detective ran to the commotion and plucked him out of the pile. The detective looked him deep in his eyes and in that moment he did something he never fathomed he would do in life. He wrapped his arms around the detective and cried like a newborn baby. In her father’s eyes he saw the truth. The life that motivated, believed and loved him, was gone forever. Sakinah Rogers was raped and killed two blocks from her work place. As he stood in the hospital being held up by her father, reality set in.

  ~~~

  Benjamin Cooper sat in his office space that he rented in downtown Newark. Silently staring at the picture of Sakinah on his desk, his eyes glazed over as they often do. This office serves a dual purpose. He’s a private investigator that moonlights as the editor of his own magazine. Both businesses are housed here. He became a private investigator in the course of looking for Sakinah’s killer. Unable to quaint his own pain, he found peace in sating others. By answering question for others, he is able to quell the ones he can’t answer for himself. The revenue from this job created his second business and the love of his life. After Sakinah’s death, instead of leaving “bloods” behind him, he decided to take her advice and “bang better”. He took everything positive that B.L.O.O.D.S. was created to stand for and sought to embody it. Writing numerous editorials on oppression, rape, murder, drugs and poverty, he created a magazine in Sakinah’s memory. He called the magazine Why We Bang. He writes his articles under the pseudonym “Just Benjamin” and dedicated each issue to a woman he never expected to see breathing again for the rest of his life. That was, until the day he saw Detective Adams.

  CHAPTER 4

  An overwhelming feeling of queasiness threatens to overtake Detective Adams. Not willing to shoulder the embarrassment from her lapse of professionalism, she excuses herself from the scene. She is the master of her body, because as bad as she wanted to run away screaming, she leaves calmly. As she steps into the chilled evening air, she becomes aware that she’s sweating profusely. Her clammy hands shake as she fixes a strand of hair. She breathes deeply needing to feel the fresh air enter her lungs and the smell of the streets to invade her nostrils. A sense of humiliation sets in as she realizes she’s abandoning her coworkers. But this isn’t my case. She thinks as she descends the steps. Only reason I was called is because my card was there. But, why was my card there? Suffiyah turns to the right and stares down the street. There is no one there, but it doesn’t change the fact that she knows she isn’t alone. She hastily enters her car and places the scene in her rearview. As she pulls away from the scene and turns the corner, the flood gates break. The hot tears soak her face as the emotion that tried to fight its way out at the scene, finally escapes. Her body is racked with sobs. It was as if she just witnessed her own death. How could this ugly world extinguish the beauty of life so easily? How does she explain the call she received at the office? That coupled with her card by the body, is more than coincidental. So, what will her superiors think?

  ~~~

  “Sufee, fuck that job honey,” advises Alicia.

  Alicia and Suffiyah go back to third grade together. She’s the only person outside the department she would discuss the case with and the only one in the world she’d expose her feelings to.

  “You’ve been through enough traumatic shit to get you through two lifetimes. Your blessings’ bag is filled, bitch retire already!” she says with a stare that reads “I dare you to argue with me”.

  But Suffiyah calls her bluff.

  “But if I quit Lee Lee, how am I gonna find out why they called me? Or who killed that poor girl?’’

  “Look, God bless the dead and all that,’’ Lee Lee says doing the cross like the Catholics, “But this ain’t no damn movie! Somebody wanted you to see that girl. Somebody wanted you to understand the significance of the resemblance. Somebody wanted you to know that, if permitted, the next beautiful dead girl at the scene would be you! Maybe you can sleep at night knowing that but I can’t. So I’m spending the night,” she says with finality as she sips from her glass of apple Ciroc and apple juice.

  ”Well, you sleeping ya naked ass on the couch I could tell you that much!” they both burst out into laughter. Alicia has been sleeping in the nude since their high school days. She’s too proud of her body to hide it. Whenever they leave the country, it’s as if her clothes remained in the states also.

  “My naked ass going on that bed, just stay on your side. I know you’re on a three-year sex drought”.

  “Ha ha, ya momma!”

  Suffiyah’s day off couldn’t have come at a better time in the work week. After yesterday’s events, she desperately needs every second of this day. She walks around the mall with Alicia laughing and gossiping nonstop. It feels like her high school days, back when everything was simple. Suffiyah knows this trip is about distracting her, but she can’t help but feel her heart skip a bit with each shadow lurking the corner or accidental brush of the shoulder. She and Alicia have on matching waist length Polo pea coats in different colors. Hers is an olive green while Lee Lee’s is red. Lee Lee’s thick body and flawless chocolate skin, complement Suffiyah’s caramel complexion and petite frame. The skin-tight Citizen of Republic jeans they wear, fall over the traditional green and red colored Gucci tennis shoes perfectly. The pair look more like video vixens, with their long hair flowing under the berets they wear to match their pea coats, instead of being seen as the cop and accountant they are. Their day started at the spa, where they received massages and facials. Next the nail salon for mani and pedis. Last stop was the beauty salon, where the Dominican women washed and groomed their long tresses. Now they’re ripping the runway of the mall, all courtesy of Lee Lee’s credit card. She would do anything to assuage her best friend’s distress.

  “What you wanna do now, Sugar Plum?” Lee Lee asks.

  “I’m good, Cherry Pie. I just want to spend the rest of the day with the person that means the world to me.”

  “Aww!” Lee Lee exclaims as her eyes mist.

  “Thanks for pampering me, boo. Now, what time you leaving so I can pick that person up?” Suffiyah says as she stops and places her hands on her hips.

  Slap! “Heffa!” Lee Lee smacks her playfully.

  “You just assaulted an officer, Miss. Buy me a Hermes bag or you going to jail.” They interlock their arms as Lee Lee pulls her laughing.

  “You better bring your gold-digging ass on.”

  “Don’t be pulling—”

  Suffiyah words catch in her throat as she locks eyes with the man smiling at her. His style was most attractive to her. He wore a pair of light blue skinny jeans (but not too skinny), a light blue jean jacket with a pink and blue rose on the back over a white V-neck t-shirt. To top it off he wore a pair of navy blue Vans and a New York Yankees snap cap to accentuate the blue inside the rose. The icing on the cake, the navy blue stitched “True Love” under the rose. As he passes by her she can’t help the cheesy smile that spreads across her face. The fresh, simplicity of the outfit was a turn on by its self. His face matched it. Not over the top or gorgeous, just genuinely satisfying. Real.

  “Uhm, uhm, uhm. A damn cop getting drawn in by a drug dealer,” Lee Lee says, snapping her out of her reverie.

  “Huh?”

  “�
��Huh?’ Nothing. Him,” she says pointing at the man walking towards the exit.

  “Nobody’s ‘drawn in’ by anyone. I just was appreciating his style. And excuse me Judge Judy, but how would you know he’s a drug dealer?” Suffiyah inquires.

  “Oh my poor, naïve baby. Sit down so I can break it down to you.” She really waits to get to a bench before continuing, “Eyes and posture. Eyes can lie but the posture will reveal the lie the eyes tell. Then, posture can lie but the eyes will reveal the lie the postures telling. They will never tell the same lie concurrent. But they can tell the same truth. When eyes and posture are in agreement, they create the true presence. Your little boy toy’s presence was the streets. He is the embodiment of the ‘hood. Tighten up, Virgin Mary, and let’s finish shopping.”

  Benji walks to his van feeling like a new man. After following Detective Adams and her friend to the mall, he couldn’t resist getting close to her. Her 1Million Prive perfume by Paco Rabbane still lingers in his nose. His stride or smile hasn’t faltered since he saw the way she inadvertently blushed and smiled at his amorous intentions. He feels he deserved that moment after sitting in the car for hours. Running from nail salon and spas, to beauty parlors and the mall, he needed to stretch his legs. Yeah, exactly. He needed to stretch his legs and what better place to do so than the mall?

  Suffiyah and Alicia sit in Zin Burger awaiting their food. She is extremely and genuinely appreciative for God placing Lee Lee in her life. Days like today are a perfect example of that blessing. “Okay. So tomorrow it’s back to the real world. Today’s fairytale is expiring oh so quickly and the ugly world will be waiting for you. What you gonna do, Sufee?”

  “Speak English, Lee.”

  “What are you going to do, Suffiyah?”

  “I’m going to play it by ear. I need to work and prove to the world, especially our world, that all cops aren’t ‘pigs’. That was the dream that I joined the force with. How could I give up on my dream, Lee?”

  “Baby, hear me and hear me clear. You have to be as realistic with yourself as possible. You sweat at night and jump in your sleep. You can’t even rest properly. Sweetie, living your dream is all good. But be real enough to accept when a dream becomes a nightmare.”

  CHAPTER 5

  “You are killing me.”

  The woman says as she wiggles out of her skin-tight jeans. Her beau is insatiable. At a time in her life when she needed someone the most, he appeared. In her twenty-five short years of living, no one has been more attentive or loving then him. There is nothing she wouldn’t do for him. If he asked for the Sun, she’d become Apollo and bring it to him on a chariot. So, as they drove through Newark in his van and he asked her to show him her wild side, she agreed. She held his hand as he led her through an alleyway to a backyard. She doesn’t know anyone in Newark, so she isn’t as nervous as she should be. If caught, she’ll never see her captors again. So, the embarrassment will be temporary. This ideology is what now has her on a picnic table with her pubis exposed. The cool night air causes her nipples to stiffen as she removes her bra. His hand caresses her breast immediately as he covers her mouth with his own. His kisses create a fire in her that combats the chill. His hands rub from the nape of her neck to the soft, ample flesh of her buttocks. Gently he pushes her down flat on the table. Her sex pulsates in anticipation of his entry. Tilting her head back as to give him access to her throat. He loves to choke her when they make love. It turns her on just knowing she’s turning him on.

  “Mmm,” she moans as he slides into her walls.

  He accustoms her to his thickness before picking up speed. Just as his thrusts quicken she feels his fingers wrapping around her neck. She lifts her pelvis to meet his rhythm, heightening her ecstasy. Suddenly his grip tightens. I can’t breathe. She thinks. She slaps his hand to signal him to loosen up. She now realizes she’s feeling a gloved hand. This causes him to squeeze harder. Her ecstasy swiftly changes to panic. Why? Attempting to flail and get away proves futile as he overpowers her and continues to sex her. She tries to scratch him to get him off her, but to no avail. The jacket he’s wearing protects his arm. Daddy! Her eyes are wide as possible as her father opens his arm in the background. The closer he gets the less she fights. As he wraps his arms around her everything becomes calm. Her father passed away and left her when she was six, she always knew he’d come back for her, someday.

  ~~~

  Love? Thinks the killer as he enters his van. Why does everyone feel that they deserve love? She was so needy. I could see the love in her eyes. I bet she won’t look at anyone like that again. He chuckles out loud. Love was stolen from me, didn’t I deserve it? Didn’t I deserve better? I suffered, now she has to suffer. His mental rant continues as he drives aimlessly with no destination. Twenty minutes later he stabbed the tire of the car and as the air fizzed out of the tire, so did the frustration in his body. The silence as he gets back in his car seems ominous. He turns on 102.7 Fresh FM and bops his head along to Taylor Swift.

  Early the next morning the light but steady flow of rain gives the day a dreary feel. Looking out the window at the slick streets and muddy curbs, makes Suffiyah want to call out. It’s been three weeks since that peculiar phone call that served as the prelude to a murder. Alicia’s words resonate inside Suffiyah’s head, tugging at her conscience. A sense of hopelessness washes over her. Whether it’s the weather or life in general, only God knows. But it’s weighing her down, whatever it may be.

  ~~~

  Officer Walker patrols the area lazily, regretting the decision to come in today. The high rate of shootings in Newark as of recently has him on the beat. So not only is he on his feet all day, he’s on his feet all day in the rain. He can’t smoke a whole cigarette without it getting soaked to the filter, which has him beyond cranky. Taking a mental assessment of his current condition, he realizes he’s cold, hungry, tired, wet, craving a smoke and worst of all, only one hour into an eight-hour shift. Just as that thought plays in his mind, a group of kids rush from an alleyway and turn in the opposite direction. But he doesn’t miss the look of shock on their faces. If they set anything on fire back there he’s going to track them down and kick their asses!

  ~~~

  “Hello?”

  “Good morning, Suffiyah,” comes the emotionless voice. “Don’t hang up or Alicia can be next,” he promises. Suffiyah’s breath becomes ragged at the mention of Lee’s name. “I see I have your attention. Perfect.”

  ~~~

  Officer Walker announces himself as police as he approaches the alley.

  ~~~

  “If you tell anyone about these calls, it’s to your detriment. Or the detriment of those you love. If you change your number, I’ll find you. If you don’t believe me check the back tire. No one’s invisible, Detective.”

  ~~~

  “Police! If anyone’s back here speak up!”

  ~~~

  “There’s another body suffering somewhere, can you help it? Do you feel her suffering? Can you find her? There are so many ladies who look like you.”

  ~~~

  Officer Walker runs to the backyard as he sees a woman sprawled out. He draws his gun as he approaches. He spots the woman on the ground move. She shakes her head as if to regain focus.